Can AI Predict The Future?

The debate of every astrology loving hipster bar — analog or digital? Vinyl sounds sweet, but online streaming is easy peasy. Hearing Black Eyed Peas on a gorgeous East River sunset. “Ahhh!”. A supreme delight of every measure. But not as good as Turkish coffee.

Simply put, “analog versus digital” is just apples and oranges. Unless - of course - we’re talking about Turkish coffee fortune telling.

I hate AI fortune telling so much. I apologize if I am being rude, but I do desire with fiery intent to silence every machine that perpetuates psychic balderdash. The tradition of Turkish fortune telling is becoming silenced by heartless algorithms. And I don’t like it.

Finance bros in Maui are counting big bucks - as we speak - reading fortune through IBM computers and no one is saying nothing.

Don’t these people own enough yachts already?

Tina Turner died today. And accurate fortune telling should have soul like R&B music, like the Black Eyed Peas. Like me and Tina.

I started my Turkish coffee fortune reading business in 2018 on the streets of New York City, or Manhattan to be more specific. People would show up to my home, often unannounced, and I’d read their fortune for free. Pretty darn altruistic, huh? True.

Five years later, I make a good living. It is a beautiful life. But, I don’t yet own a yacht.

But since the day I made the first dollar through my coffee fortune reading business, my dear mother has been hassling me — nonstop.

“Son, when are you going to create an app for your fortune telling?”

Never is the answer.

As you can tell, I have a major beef with fortune telling apps (especially one in particular). The process is simple, but inauthentic. You send in a photograph of your coffee grinds, and some pre-written words about your future churn out digitally in a seconds time.

AI fortune telling is like an overpriced fortune cookie. No heart, soul, or flavor.

Turkish coffee fortune reading though, is more than just an opportunity to read the future. It is a communal effort that allows its participants to engage in heavy and light-hearted discussion through a showcase of complex astrological symbols. It ain’t a solitary act. We are a collective — the entire world. “One love” as Bob Marley said.

This isn’t your grandmother’s style of fortune telling.

“Turkish Coffee Room” is psychology, divinity, magic, and conversation all rolled into one. We all read our futures together. You can book a session here in New York City.

Anyways, let’s fess up. I have a service similar to AI fortune telling — but it is way better. With “Turkish Coffee Box”, you receive the best fortune reading of your life.

And guess what? It is personalized by me. No corny texts. 48 hours after submitting your coffee grinds, a two minute video fortune delivered by me - animated and heartfelt - will appear on your phone. Simple and powerful.

Can a computer accomplish that? I don’t think so. You need someone on the floor screaming out your future to shake things up . That’s why I’m here.

One last thing. There is a vest wearing Turkish bozo (suspiciously resembling a popular Disney character from the 1990’s) who happens to be my greatest nemesis. This fella doesn’t even read fortune but pretends to do so. He ain’t a psychic, but a pretty boy with a big bank account. An iron chested stud.

His parents bequeathed him a basket of trust funds to start his AI psychic business. Baby Aladdin, good job.

Can he read fortune though? I don’t think so.

His name is Faladdin. And if you are out there bro, I challenge you to a Turkish coffee fortune reading duel.

Add FALADDIN15 into your cart for a discount to one of my Turkish coffee sessions in New York City. All of you can use this. You too Faladdin. Consider it my treat.

Fergie and Will I. Am.— you guys are good. Slide into my DMs and leave a sweet word about my humps, and you will get a free reading.

Dr. Honeybrew is the best psychic and fortune teller in New York City. And he is human.