The Price Of Turkish Coffee on Hot Sand
Step right up folks! Get your coffee on a scorching pot of hot sand. Yes you heard it — hot lava like sand. Just as they did so in the Ottoman Empire — I am proud to be the only location in New York City where one can enjoy a cup of Turkish coffee prepared on hot sand. You can search high and low — but nowhere will you find a brew as thick, muddy, and chocolatey as this. And why? Let me tell you why.
Back in the olden days of Turkey, merchants ravaged through the deserts on their camels begging the almighty God for a quick caffeine fix. These hard working men were no different than the truck driving folk of today. They worked very hard. Sadly though, the barren oasis was often all they tasted. Unless of course, they plucked a good ol’ cezve (the copper receptacle used to make Turkish coffee) in hot sand to cook a brew under the solar sun, which would inevitably create the greatest shot of espresso of pre-Starbucks era — and in the desert too!
Now, this is awesome for two reasons. First off, Turkish coffee requires no filtration. It is literally just water and coffee — that’s it. As simple as log. Secondly, the slow cook method of “sand coffee” allows for a richer and creamier espresso than any other coffee in the world. This is the honest truth — come try my coffee if you don’t believe it. Right here in Manhattan! Just like the desperate housewives of New York City (I used to wait on them in Soho — but that’s another story).
But we cannot disenchant ourselves from history. This is very true. I am Dr. Honeybrew, and I was put to this world to be the ambassador of all things Turkish. They did me dirty back in my home land. Yes. They said I was too American, they said my accent was too strong. So I said to myself “I’ll show them”. By waving the flag of Turkey so high for the whole world to see, everyone in Turkey will now want to be my friend. Like Tony Montana said, “Respect is what I covet, coffee is what I drank. But give me a friend, and I am a happy man”.
In addition to doing Turkish coffee fortune readings, I source my sand from very exotic regions of the world. About 4 years ago, the Homeland security of JFK airport stopped me in what was supposed to be a drug heist. I whole heartedly resisted opening my luggage, but with an arm twisted, there is no squeal that can save oneself from the law. And it was like a scene out of a Tarantino film, the case opened up with a golden sheen airing out with a waft of opulence. Officer Joe took a bite out of his donut in slow contemplation and turned to ask me what it was inside.
“Sand”, I calmly replied. “Turkish sand”.
After 40 minutes of pure white, grade A interrogation, I entered in the USA a free man. Sure my wrist was bruised from a minor slap, but one cannot bring foreign agriculture into America without punishment. It is not American like to allow criminals to pass through pavement cracks that fester dirty rats. I’m a turkey, too big to pass through any hole. I love Richard Gere too.
But let it be known — even the type of sand one uses to cook this brew changes the flavor of the coffee. I have gone through great measures to bring Turkish sand into USA, but got in trouble. I hope you will forgive me for not delivering 100% pure Ottoman style. But I think you will make an exception for my valiant efforts.
To answer your question, we now source our sand from the lovely deserts of New Mexico. A little American twist to our Turkish coffee fortune reading experience. And nothing is wrong with that.
Until you visit Turkey, you can come over and try hot sand coffee for yourself in New York City. One thing is for certain, my readings are way better than the ones in Turkey. I will always put my life on the line for your future and tastebuds.
