Fortune Reading For Celebrities
In Turkish hospitality, every guest is a king and queen — just as it is down south. Though, I gotta admit, Chicken and waffles fills me up excessively. Especially with maple syrup. This is why I imbibe on Turkish coffee instead of eating delicious fried golden goodies 24/7.
Turkish coffee is magical because it contains zero calories and is muddy delicious. It relaxes stomach acidity and reveals the future. Celebrities adore this and I know from personal experience.
Yup.
There is a major star who frequents “Turkish Coffee Room” with her sister. Did you know this? Of course you didn't. One time, she confessed to me “Turkish coffee is her Ottoman Tums”. I laughed so hard, I dropped my cezve and splashed coffee on my new black Gucci leather pants.
This woman is a real hoot and a holler.
Naturally, you are curious who this star is. Read on for clues and you may find out faster than a sinking ship.
The other day, my partner and I were coming out of a very special performance by the world famous singer Bono in New York City. He fronts the Irish band U2.
Bono was glorious and gave us a life spanning performance. Even my own Turkish coffee fortune reading skills could not have predicted that it would be my 7th time seeing the show.
Yes, it was that good.
These Beacon Theater shows were explicitly cell-phone free. Meaning, all phones had to be locked away in pouches called Yondr, and could not be accessed until after the performance.
Interestingly, this strict rule bypassed every celebrity who was in attendance during the performances. At all seven shows. How do I know? It wasn’t because I read the Turkish coffee grounds of the Beacon Theater in New York City. I saw it. But I won’t give names.
Personally, I am okay with this. My girlfriend on the other hand, was irate. World eats privilege like sugar-free Baklava. The higher that you are in the totem pole, the more perks you are bequeathed. Or, baklava.
You may not agree, but it’s been like this for a hot minute.
In fact, we breathe capitalism in the United States, which interestingly, is viewed as something to strive for, even amongst those who abstain from eating Baklava that is sugar-free. More money, more opportunities, more problems. I think Jay-Z said that.
Welcome to capitalism!
A world whose inhabitants enjoy the fruits of their labor is kosher with me. Sure, some people cheat their way to the top or don’t work as hard as others. But these are trust fund babies who are few and far in between.
Most people in the world work really hard. And they’re still living pay check to pay check. This ain’t attractive, but it’s true. And when there is extra cheddar in the bank account, they shouldn’t be denied of enjoying a taste of luxury. Even the worst of us should be able to afford a massage once a week. I am serious.
Massages are fantastic.
Now, If you can’t afford a massage, then use the code IAMBROKE on my website for a one time 20% off for one of my in person “Turkish Coffee Room” sessions in East Village. See, I am altruistic. (This code is good until August 31st 2023).
So perhaps, we are all a little low-key bougie? And I say this — no joke — as a person who was living inside of a closet, and living on food stamps just 5 years ago. But thanks to this country, I’ve come a long ways. I am so proud of myself, America, and capitalism.
Hell yeah to fortune telling! I love being a psychic.
With that being said. Many of you are wondering — how the hell does any of this have to do with reading the fortune for the rich and the famous? It is for three reasons.
I do not get starstruck. Everyone is a unique soul with their own individual ambitions, problems, triumphs, and my favorite — family members.
No special treatment. Some of my clients live the high life, and some live in the low. I do not discriminate towards either. I am happy to anyone who is successful and happy in their own lives.
Anonymity. I do not gossip about anyone who is better, or worse off than I.
So there you have it. Celebrities or commoners, it doesn’t matter that much. And this is why my star client always returns with her sister. I will never reveal who she is. But I did text her asking if I can give a hint, she texted back “yes”. So here it goes in the form of a photo.
You may end up sitting next to her one day, enjoying Turkish coffee, and the future!
