Guns N’ Turkish Coffee

In a world of countless political ideologies, I prefer to keep calm, drink Turkish coffee, and read the future.

But in the 2020 elections, one of Joe Biden’s campaign managers visited me to have her coffee fortune read. This was the period when uncle Joe was last in race, and Jacqueline, his campaign manager, confessed with sorrow that she was considering quitting. I urged her to stick it out.

“Slow and steady will prevail”, I told her. Everything in her grinds were crystal clear.

And who became the president? You’re welcome America.

Now, some of you are making snide faces. I get it. Biden has as many gaffes as there are psychics in East Village. But, do not confuse Jacqueline’s encouragement as being reflective of my own politics. Sure I told her to keep chugging along, but that doesn’t mean I am a fan of Biden.

..Or, am I?

The point is, whatever your political ideology may be, you are always assured a loving and accurate fortune reading by me. Trump fan or Biden fan — it doesn’t matter. I love you either way, I mean it.

Though I will admit. There is one issue that I feel extremely passionate about. And for a very personal reason too. In fact, I am so passionate about this matter, that I am willing to speak up despite whatever bridges it may burn for my business.

And that is guns.

They’re being given out like hotcakes in New York City when instead it should be my “Rose and Black Pepper” flavored Turkish delights. Do any of you know someone from the government I can call?

More candy, less guns please.

A couple years ago, my family had a brush with the Turkish mafia. Land disputes can be a violent affair in Turkey. Especially as thugs take matters to their own hands. And this is exactly what happened when grandma Gökçen decided to sell her land in Diyarbakir.

Out of the wood work, gun toting men were dispatched over to Istanbul where they held vigils in front of the apartment building where my mother, uncle, grandmother, and great uncle all resided.

The phone threats were incessant. “Stop this sale or we will kill you” the rural men would scream. Our pleas to the police were futile as nothing gets accomplished in Turkey until someone pulls a trigger.

And that is exactly what happened.

On March 20th 2020, two masked gunmen showed up at our home, shot the glass door of the apartment building at 9:30pm, entered into the building, took the elevator up to the 7th floor, rang our door bell, and began firing at the door as everyone in the family was home.

The psychological impact of this is astonishingly heavy. It gives you the sensation that you are constantly being watched. I too was in Turkey during this period but staying at an Airbnb. And just a day prior to the incident, one of the thugs mentioned very casually to my grandmother that her “colorful nephew” was in town, meaning, his cohorts were keeping tabs on me as well.

Gulp. I wish someone would gift me an evil eye.

The next 8 days were turmoil. Every morning after my online tea leaf and coffee fortune reading sessions with my clients, I would swap hotels.

It was impossible to remain incognito due to my penchant for color. I was like a constant walking target. And trust me, you don’t want to shoot the best psychic of New York City (apologies for the SEO plug).

Throughout this endeavor, never once did I desire to carry a gun. In fact, my derision for it grew stronger. How can these hooligans have such easy access to weapons that are scaring my family into potential submission? It made me uneasy as hell. I was disgusted and wanted nothing to do with guns. I’d rather make evil eye bracelets than hold a gun.

Honestly though, if I only I had the chance to amicably prepare these men (aka sweet and tender hooligans) a delicious cup of Turkish coffee on hot sand, followed by one of my famous psychic readings of their grinds — game over. We would have no issues. The entire land dispute would’ve resolved quicker than me roasting delicious Arabica coffee.

Hell, I would gladly hand feed them Turkish Delights too.

Anyways, we ended up going through with the deal and made some pocket change. I didn’t see a single cent of it but that’s OK. Nobody died, and I am glad that I didn’t get shot. My mission is to read the future of the world and New York City, which is what I will continue to do.

I hope uncle Biden will do more to tighten gun control in Turkey, though that seems far away from reality.

But to be honest, Trump is a very interesting character. I would read his Turkish coffee fortune over Biden’s any day. Interpret that as you will. Just know that I am not judging you.

Everyone is always welcome to Turkish Coffee Room in East Village.