Turkish Or Greek Yogurt?

Explore the aisles of any United States grocery store, and you will find a million flavors.

Milk for instance, can range from chocolate, strawberry, to banana — where as Turkish coffee always stands on its own.

Don’t drink this.

But when it comes to yogurt, here in America, we love variety!

Tiramisu, guava, orange cream pop, and my personal favorite, honey & cream, are all yogurt flavors that can be found at your nearest Whole Foods. They’re made by Chobani, which is the biggest Greek yogurt producer in America.

But here is the kicker… Hamdi Ulukaya — the owner of Chobani — is Turkish!

And while Turks chastise him of “selling out” for brandishing a “Greek” product, I applaud him.

In 2014, I waited on Hamdi at Narcissa Restaurant in the East Village. I will never forget his brimming smile. I wanted so badly to offer him a cup of Turkish coffee, and read his fortune right there and then in New York City!

“My big break”, I thought.

But honoring professionalism, I resisted the temptation and allowed the man to enjoy his rotisserie crisped beets drizzled in dill yogurt without bother. After all, he was amongst his friends and colleagues. They had a wonderful night, even bereft of my psychic gifts.

Often when we see a rare opportunity in life, one of two things happen.

1. Idly sit back and let the moment pass by.

2. Leap to it haphazardly and look like a fool.

And then there is the third, least considered option, that is often the most successful.

3. Approach without a shred of intent for self-promotion, and experience an organic engagement.

The other week, me and my girlfriend went to see the music composer Roger Eno perform at National Sawdust in Brooklyn. What an incredible venue! I yearn to bring “Turkish Coffee Room” there for an event one day.

Already I can imagine my audience a buzz from robust Turkish coffee, regaling on the wild and mysterious symbols contained with their coffee grounds.

My fortune readings are always interactive and communal in style! Accurate too.

Getting back on topic, Roger was a class act. He was so gosh darn funny. Especially for an artist playing very slow and melancholic style of piano music. His daughter Cecily helming vocal duties, and ACME the classical quartet taking on the string arrangements, were equally stunning.

After the event, I was a little stoned. And Cecily walked over to compliment my honey shades. As a light banter ensued amongst our group, Roger proceeded to join the conversation and look directly into my red stained eyes.

Of course I was ready to ruin a completely organic moment by inviting him over to “Turkish Coffee Room”. I just couldn’t help it.

“Hey Roger, I am a Turkish coffee ground reader. I put on a fortune reading show in my living room, and there is a lot of demand. In fact I am generous just like yourself, because I give money away to my guests. Are you planning on being in the East Village?”

Roger could not have been more gracious — and I was a moron. The little “puff puff pass” that I ingested wrecked an otherwise amiable and memorable situation.

What can you do? I opted for option 2, which is always bound to fail.

I am on an eternal quest to infuse my Turkish heritage with my heart to create something new and unique in America. While there is no predicting what the “next big thing” will be in New York City, one thing is certain — culture served without salt or pepper, never leaves a dent.

This is painful but true.

Before you get upset, this is purely from my own experience as an immigrant in the United States. So if you are French, Chinese, or from Burkina Faso — kindly refrain from being offended. Because baklava infused with Oreo cookie crumbs, or powdered Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, will always make national news over the new shawarma joint in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.

I stand by that statement.

While traditions should be preserved and enjoyed — exclusively yielding to them — limit the connections that can be made between past and present.

What do I mean?

The way an artist unites history and future is what determines the world of today. Pop culture is very influenced by entertainment.

And this is why my Turkish coffee fortune reading style is so animated, colorful, theatrical, and spell-binding. I don’t do “grandma” style coffee fortune telling which may disappoint you — because I am here to push life forward.

Yours too.

So why all of this hullabaloo over Greek yogurt? And what does it have to do with Turkish coffee ground reading?

After extensive research, I couldn’t find a single article on why Hamdi chose to make Greek, over Turkish yogurt. And that’s OK. Because they’re both delicious and basically the same. The only difference being that Greece is favored far better in the West.

Why? Because Turkey is too close to the Middle East.

I’ll stand by that statement as well!

Last year, I changed my name from Uluç Ülgen to Honey Bee Honeybrew, not out of disavowing my Turkish identity, but as a personal sacrifice to bring awareness of Turkish culture to the world. This may seem contradictory and stupid to a lot of people — but I beg to differ.

Because once you master the language of the market, the world will then grant you its keys.

The reason why I applaud Hamdi is because he understands American culture, and does everything necessary to earn its devotion. Not the other way around. And in the process, bringing countless homes across the United States a bit of discreet Turkish pride!

“Mango Cone Crisp Yogurt” for crying out loud!

Genius!

And to my Greek compadres who will argue that this is cultural misappropriation — maybe you’re right.

But how beautiful that we live in a country where a Chinese entrepreneur can open up a Japanese restaurant and not get punished. Like my Indian friend who opened up a Turkish restaurant - cool.

And maybe Hamdi just wants to give our Greek neighbors a little shoutout, and boost their local economy.

Life is full of contradictions. For some clarity, book your fortune reading with me here.

Hamdi, you’re on the house.