Psychics Are Miserable, and Very Sad People
Ever wonder if your fortune teller is just projecting their own negativity onto your future?
Believe it or not, even though I am a Turkish coffee fortune reader by profession, I seldom pay to have my coffee grounds read. Because like intimacy, I must know the heart and intentions of my fortune teller before having my future read.
In this respect, I am very monogamous. I don’t want someone’s bad breath ruining my future.
The other weekend, after a marathon of Turkish Coffee Room ceremonies, I went down to ABC Beer for a single beer that multiplied to three. Why? Because my conversation with a bar acquaintance grew inquisitive. And she was curious — how did my unique brand of Turkish coffee ground readings function?
So I dished the facts.
And after some relatively cordial chatter, she asked me dead on…
“But Dr. Honeybrew, aren’t you tarnishing the authenticity of Turkish coffee fortune by being so ostentatious?”
Allow me to be very controversial.
99% of fortune tellers are sad, feeble, and miserable individuals who are more confused than those seeking their guidance.
Yes I said it.
Most psychics are lost souls swimming in a vortex of negative energy. I have seen it with my own two eyes. They will plaster their internal suffering onto your pristine future. All done for the ultimate purpose of granting themselves a semblance of control that they otherwise lack in their lives. By bringing you down, their business blossoms like a gloomy rose.
And the worst thing about these psychics is that they will never make you smile — not even once — during your fortune reading.
A good burst of laughter, especially the ones that are frequently dispensed in “Turkish Coffee Room”, is the true medicine of the human condition. Serenading ourselves in laughter in the company of others allow us to feel part of a greater universal experience.
I am so proud to have created something so powerful and entertaining here in New York City.
God bless Turkish coffee. And you too.
But listen, I also understand the other side of the medallion.
The world has become such a murky place, that perhaps unintentionally, some of us want a “negative reading” to root ourselves within the reality that surrounds us. To entertain the thought that we may transform into a magnificent Phoenix and change every facet of our lives in a month, may seem too soon and far from reality.
So perhaps by default, many of us seek fortune readings that are tethered to misery.
I always advocate passion, humor and flare in my Turkish coffee fortune readings. Let my fortunes be the motivational push for you to take that leap of faith. If you want to continue on being sad, then go to a sad fortune teller.
Energy spreads like wildfire, and I have mine on the brightest setting.
But before you think I am mister sunshine, you are dead wrong. Because, I don’t shy away from delivering bad news in my fortune readings either.
In fact, did you know the old name for “Turkish Coffee Room” used to be “Juicy Fortunes”?
I still abide by this motto.
For me, fortune reading is should be like a sandwich. A delicious mouth-watering sandwich. And if you’re going to deliver bad news, you should do so by dispensing the highest quality of ingredients.
You must give pickles, lox, mustard, heck — even caviar. My friend Ben knows all about this.
Be generous, colorful, and delicious. No one wants a plain bread slice for dinner, or their fortune. Yes, I have “beef” with Turkish coffee readers who focus exclusively on the smokier aspects of life. If that’s what you seek, then go to Katz’s Deli a few blocks away from Turkish Coffee Room. I swear, they only give plain pastrami, and nothing else! That’s how most fortune tellers are to me.
Apologies for my vegetarian readers.
Psychics know that most clientele will seek their guidance amidst life hardship.
And as a result, a power imbalance will always be at hand, leading to potential “emotional manipulation” to occur during a reading. Therefore, it is all to easy for a psychic to exploit the fears, worries, and desires of others by displaying false empathy and gaining connection.
Honestly, this is their only true gift — beguilement.
I have witnessed this mind trick being employed on myself. When coffee ground readers do this — I absolutely abhor it.
Take this blog post as my promise to never exploit or take advantage of your emotional state and undermine your finances by fishing you in for multiple readings in a short period of time. I won’t dangle a carrot over your head. I promise. My fortunes are direct and definitive.
And here is what I said to the woman at the bar.
“Life is neither tragedy or comedy. It’s a little bit of both. Tragicomic if you will. And my coffee fortunes are simply a reflection of that.”
I can’t wait to make you smile for your future.
